Jim Gray Swinging his Cheese Dick at Corey Pavin

Jim Gray is back in the news today, let me start this out with an insanely detailed pop-culture metaphor to explain this banner pick.  Having looked back on it I have decided that The Decision is essentially Blue Velvet with LeBron playing the role of Dennis Hopper spouting “I’m taking my talents to to South Beach” instead of “Fuck Heineken, Pabts Blue Ribbon”  Jim Gray is obviously Isabella Rossellini with the fingernail question being the equivalent of letting LeBron call him mommy while Jim sucks him off and everyone in Cleveland playing the role of Kyle MacLahlan hiding in the closet watching this horrifying display.

Like what happens to most people that have had the opportunity to blow someone famous, they suddenly see themselves as part of the crew, a squirt to the face is the knighting of a new member of the LeBron crew.  So being the newest member, Jim Gray is going to move from kissing ass in the most bogus interview special ever to slinging his big cheese dick around and landing it with a giant blue cheese mushroom splat on Corey Pavin’s forehead.

Like what happens a million times a year in sports media Corey Pavin makes an off the cuff comment about picking Tiger for the Ryder cup to Jim Gray, Gray reports it and then Pavin denies it.  Happens all the time, every sport, every reporter, everyone and what usually happens is…nothing.  The reporter moves on, the truth eventually comes out and everyone says either the athlete or coach is covering or the reporter simply misquoted him depending on the results in the end.

Not this time, this time Jim Gray, in a press conference calls Pavin out in front of a bunch of media members.  Goes total Sunny on him, says he’s going to take him down, WWF in 1986 style, probably went Mr. T and told Pavin to send his wife by to find out how a real man fucks.  This is just so awesome, I assume Gray called up LeBron later that night saying that he needed to put a hit out and LeBron knowing that Gray was out of line like Pesci in Goodfellas just sat there in silence and then whispered that to his right hand man that Gray needed to be reigned in.

This can only end like Goodfather 2, it’s going to be LeBron and Gray floating out in the middle of lake someplace in the fog, LeBron says, “How could you Jim, I thought we were family”  then fade to black with a quiet splash in the distance.