As the Leaves Change We Move From Vh1 to the NFL

You want to go out?  Yeah, how about back to back on Vh1

Something amazing has happened this summer to the NFL and specifically the Cincinnati Bangles.  While for many years NFL athletes have been involved in the world of television and movies.  From Jim Brown on NFL players have left the game to try find their way in Hollywood and since HBO started Hard Knocks NFL athletes have found themselves in the middle of the realty TV world, although essentially just doing what it is they do anyway, namely training camp for the season.

But now something new has happened, no longer do players have to retire to move to Hollywood and no longer are they only involved in realty TV as a training camp documentary star.  This season on VH1, Viacom’s reality TV network that’s not called MTV has tapped into the NFL athlete as a realty TV vehicle.  Much as the Cinci Bengals brought 85 and T.O. together on the field as complementary catching options, VH1 has gotten Chad Ochocinco and T.O. together as back to back reality stars.  One night a week is essentially Bengals night on VH1.

T.O.’s show is kind of the thing that you would expect from an athlete reality show, if you could even expect that kind of thing to exist.  He has a girlfriend that he seems to be rather indifferent to, he rides around in really expensive cars and goes to exclusive clubs in places that people like that go to those kind of clubs in.  We watch him wander around his apartment with no shirt on getting breakfast, pretty much my life if I had $40 million more dollars and a TV crew following me around.

With Chad Eightyfive on the other hand they have gone to a VH1 staple that had until now been reserved for washed up rock stars, insane rappers and professional cum dumpsters named after cities.  The dating show!  There is an interesting twist to this one though, essentially Chad is shown as some kind of sexual prize, twisting the idea of the ultimate catch, a term usually reserved for women. He is shown in all the promos in some state of undress and seems to parade around in a strange middle ground as both a trophy to be won and a rich athlete that will provide the chosen girl with both a slight amount of fame and of course a great deal of money.

The contestants are the usual assortment of early 20s dating show skanks that America has fallen in love with, from the skinny blond with fake boobs to the skinny dark haired chick with fake boobs to the maybe latina chick with the fake boobs and of course the red head.  They of course have jobs that make tricking Ochocinco into impregnating them a wise career move as I don’t think Cocktail waitress/model, student/unemployed, student/model, cocktail waitress/student, model/hostess pays well or has what we call “growth potential.”  And I’m really positive but I think when you take hostess or model and divide it by student or cocktail waitress the answer is always stripper x part time prostitute, I mean it’s just math.

Now I know that many of you are thinking, wow how does Chad have the skill set to play pro football and decide which chick to bang for 3 months after this show ends?  And your right, it’s just asking too much, luckily his buddy Bernard Barrian from the Bears is here to help him decide.  Bernard, or B-Twice as he has assuredly nicknamed himself, is described as extremely family and God oriented and his intelligence supersedes his talents on the field, making him a perfect skank picker for Chad to go to for sage advice.

As much as I would like to see nothing but Guidos going to various beaches on my TV I have to say that this new sports/reality TV synergy if nothing else will provide me with plenty to write about over the next couple of years at least.  And all I can say to Cinci fans is, at least if this wide receiver situation flames out you can always fire up the youtube.com and relive the days when your top two receivers had VH1 reality shows, oh and I hope Ochocinco catches as many balls as the girls vying for his love certainly have.

MuchoCinco and the Raiders East

So, seems like old Ocho has got himself a little show on the VH1 right before his buddy and new team mate T.O.  I am currently writing an article over at My other site about the idea of the shoes, so over here I’m going to focus a little more on the Bengals and what the hell is going on in southern Ohio.
Let’s not pretend that the Bangles haven’t been crazy as shit for years now, I think that while they have not led the league in any on field stats they have certainly led the league in arrests for a few years.  But this is the first time that any team has had back to back VH1 realty star wide receivers on the same team.  Not only this but they have picked up Benson and Tank, both of whom have had very close relationship with the men in blue.
I have to say that this looks to me like the dream line up for the crypt keeper out in Oakland.  Criminals, realty stars, diva receivers, no chance of winning, possibly broken down quarterback, it’s the Raider’s dream scenario.  I have talked about Bizarro teams already this week, the Bulls being the Bizarro Jazz due to players moving.  But this is different, this is more like the Simmons evolutionary team situation.  That what the Raiders were, the Bengals have become.
I can’t wait to see what will happen this season, best case scenario VH1 cross over special where T.O. and Ocho fight it out in a huge pit of lube ala Old School while their skanks cheer them on for the #1 receiver spot, Tank and Cedric take down a Cinci bank Heat style and Marvin Lewis burns the stadium to the ground.  At least we can dream.